BeBrave Story #10: Adriana Garcia


Hey Everyone! here is a new #BeBrave Story. I truly hope you will all take the time to read it. This story was written by a very good friend of mine whom I have known since high school. I reached out to Adriana because not only is she the most genuine person I know, but I have heard little bits and pieces of her journey and I knew you would all be as inspired as I was and still am.

*Trigger Warning* : The Topic of suicide is being discussed in this post. 

I hope by reading her story you are able to see that you are not alone, you are not insane, and you are not a burden. There is hope. Anyways, I'll let Adriana's story tell the rest(:






As I grew up to the woman I am today, I have gained the privilege to understand what mental health is and how it has impacted me. My mental health matters so much, and I have learned to do what it takes to better it. I am still learning how to love myself and care for my well-being, but that does not make me any less of a person. I have become a huge advocate for mental health, but that was a long journey.




This time I want to talk about an event that I recently experienced. An event that changed me, but for the better. That made me stronger and I turned my life around because of it. Now I can say that I am grateful those events happened to me because if they didn’t I would not be where I am today. I have seen so much darkness, but now see the brightest light. Obviously, there are times that I think about what had happened to me and it makes me sad. However, I have learned not to dwell on it. Yes, it happened and there is nothing I can do to erase it, but what I can do is to learn from it and face it rather than to run from it.







I had graduated college May of last year, and I had felt so happy. I had accomplished one of my goals, I had it all. I got accepted into the graduate program I wanted and would be attending the college that I had loved so much. You would think I would be at my happiest, but after the celebration I felt this wave of sadness. I ignored it throughout the summer, and I refused to accept the fact that I was falling into a depressive episode again. I guess you can say that is where I had messed up, I did not acknowledge it when it started. I was too busy being there for others that I was not there for me. I ignored my needs.


             " I FELT HEALTHY, BUT WHY WAS I SO DOWN?                


When summer ended, and I started graduate school I began to feel happy again. I was in a new chapter of my life, and it will all be good. That was not the case. My depression began to grow and next thing you know I was just unhappy with my life. During that time I could not pin point what exactly was making me feel that way. I thought to myself how could I feel this way? Why do I feel this way? I had everything I needed. I was in graduate school, I was living on my own. I had my “friends” I thought I had found someone who would finally break down the walls I had set up that refuse me to get into relationships. I felt healthy, but why was I so down?
   





 Every day it grew stronger, then around the end of October is when I fell apart. My “friends” were not there for me. I felt like I did not belong in my own house, nothing mattered to me. Not even my savior which was always school mattered. I was at my lowest. Usually, school would be my sanctuary, my light but this time it was gone. I felt nothing. My breaking point was when I found out that one person that was there for me, the one who would comfort me during my melt downs, the one who I felt would break my walls down had humiliated me. He broke me and destroyed me in a way that I did not feel. I was already so low, and what he did made it all worse.



    




I just couldn’t take the pain from all that was happening when I had made the decision of wanting to take my own life. I lost my will and reasons to live, nothing had mattered to me. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up again. I was so scared to do it, so I knew I could not take my life sober. I drove to the market down the street, bought some alcohol, and took it back home. I began chugging a bottle and that’s when I had grabbed the knife to try to slit my wrists. I remember being so angry because I wasn’t doing it strong enough. It was the worst and most painful night of my life. My roommates and other friends had found out and that’s when they ordered a 5150 to have me detained. I was on a psychiatric hold for the rest of the night. I was placed in a mental hospital to make sure I wasn’t suicidal in the morning. I had cried all night and all morning. I had cried so much that there were no more tears. I may not have taken my life, but I did not feel alive. I felt like I was floating, no emotion was left inside me, I was exhausted.

The next couple of weeks were the same, I did not want to reach out for help. I still felt extremely depressed. Thankfully, school became my savior again and I put all my attention to it. School made it all worth it, and I felt myself get better. Then December came along, and my second suicide attempt happened due to a choice I had made. I never thought I was going to get better. My “best friend” turned out to be my biggest enemy and someone who wanted to destroy me. At that time, I thought I deserved that treatment, and I did not say anything about it.








Now here I am six months later, and I am so happy with where I am today. Yeah, I still struggle with my demons, but I can control them. I learned to forgive myself and to let go of my past. I cut off the toxic people in my life and accepted the ones who were always there for me. I owe them so much for helping me during my dark times. I changed my perspective on what I have done, and it helped me so much. I am stronger than I have ever been, my suicide attempts did fall through because I have a purpose I am here for a reason. I will never let anyone take away my happiness again. Everything happens for a reason, and it will all be worth it.



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Thank you for saying yes to telling your story Adriana!

If you read Adriana's story and were inspired and touched in some way, show her some love in the comments! Sharing about a topic like Mental Illness is not easy especially being this vulnerable. I am so proud of this girl, and every single person who has shared their story in this series.

Let me know how you all are liking this series! Do you like me posting a BEBrave story once a month? or do you want to see them published more often?

Please ask for help when you need it.
SUICIDE HOTLINE: Call 1-800-273-8255

Love you all! x


Nikki O.







Comments

  1. Wonderful short story and very inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad it touched you in some way(:

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  2. Thank you for sharing Adriana's story, Nikki. It’s such a brave and inspirational post and I’m so glad you are feeling more positive and in a better place. It’s really important to talk about mental health issues as it can help others who are also struggling. Thank you for sharing xx

    Bexa | www.hellobexa.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Bexa! So true, there are so many people who feel so alone and it is important that we change that mentality (:

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  3. I'm glad they have become stronger 💪🏻 Such an inspiring story 😱Abi xx
    https://simple-joys.blog

    ReplyDelete
  4. Such an inspiring story and it's so great that she managed to overcome it and feel stronger. It's very brave of her to share it with the world too!! It's great that topics like this are being spoken about more to help others though x

    Sophie
    www.glowsteady.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes definitely, thank you for reading her story (: I am so glad you found it inspiring.

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