I Hate Having A Crush Pt 3
"Hey may I talk to you about something? Are you free Wednesday at 3?"
Was the message I sent to my crush through snapchat, trying to muster up the tiny bit of courage I had left to tell him how I felt about him...
You have probably already guessed by the title what this post is going to be about. This is " I Hate Having A Crush" Pt 3. The last part of this small series, I didn't even know this was a series but I just liked the ring to it so we are sticking with it. If you haven't read the last two post just like this you may want to do so and get caught up.
I Hate Having A Crush Pt 1
I Hate Having A Crush Pt 2
Well this is it. The end of my dying love fest of the guy I have been writing poems and tweeting about because on Wednesday May 16th, 2018 I told my crush that I liked him. We met up in front of a lecture hall on a bench and I kid you not my anxiety had been on a high literally the whole week, and the fact that it was finals week as well did not make it any better.
Before meeting with him, I had texted like five of my friends praying they would give me a solid reason why this was a bad idea, and I could turn back and forget about this whole thing. But instead my friends encouraged it saying " you both are graduating, what do you have to lose?" "Go for it! You have both been friends for over a year, now is the time" "Just do it and stop being a whimp".
So I did it. Below I have written out our conversation. We'll call him "J":
J: hey what's up?
Me: "okay so.. okay umm..so.. okay, I'm kind of anxious so bear with me.."
Me: So, okay.. Over the past year of knowing you I have come to really admire like, your confidence and rhythm and just how you carry yourself. And you just go for things, like the whole study abroad trip, you just went for it, and I hope to like have the same confidence to do something like that.. I mean I have confidence but like I guess at your level.
J: * nodding, showing he understands*
Me: So I guess for the past couple of months I have come to really like you.. *closed my eyes.. and whispered sorry twice*
J: *laughs alittle* and says Okay. Thank you. *silence while thinking* I am flattered, um and I have come to like really enjoy your company but as friends not romantically.
Me: Yeah, that is totally fine.
J: okay cool. I am really glad you told me though.Thanks for telling me
Me: yeah, I am just trying to do things that scare me.
J: And see thats what is so awesome about you is that you put yourself in uncomfortable situations and you put yourself out there.
Me: haha yeah I try.
Eventually the conversation switched and we talked about our plans after college, had some laughs and hugged it out. A couple days later was my graduation ceremony and his. So that is that lol.
I would like to say that although I was a tad bit disappointed( as I am sure anyone would be when their crush doesn't feel the same way), I am SO glad he was chill and friendly about it. It says a lot about him. I also left that conversation feeling proud of myself, considering my biggest fear when it came to telling him was not just getting rejected but feeling like an idiot after and that wasn't the case.
WHAT HAVE I LEARNED FROM THIS DRAMATIC LOVE FEST OF MINE?!
---- Well I'm glad you ask friends ----
FIRST, It all comes down to the character of the person that you like. If he is really the great, nice, guy you see him to be, he won't make you regret saying anything or make you feel insecure or embarrassed.
SECOND, the butterflies and anxiety is O-K-A-Y. Actually it is more than okay, you are human so embrace it and roll with it. You are scared, nervous? fine. Go tell them scared and nervous. Yes, I mean it. This is a human we are talking about, this guy has probably been in your exact situation spilling out his feelings at one point.
THIRD, I know what you are thinking.. but Nikki I am a girl, am I aloud to tell a guy how I feel? or ask a guy to lunch? YES and YES. I think it is important for a girl to be direct with what she wants and express that and then allow the guy to take over and pursue if he feels the same way. That is totally different from a girl chasing a guy and being desperate. TWO DIFFERENT THINGS FRIENDS.
LAST but not least, You are loved regardless. You are Beautifully and Wonderfully made, and just because a guy may not reciprocate the same feelings as you, is in no reflection of who you are.
Thanks for reading! What are your thoughts?? Do you like this small series? Would you like me to continue it up again if I start liking someone else?? (hahaha) probably not for a long time..