I Write Because Suicide Is No Longer an Option...






I wrote a poem a couple months ago called     "No Mom You Don't Know About The Demons In My Head"  and for the first time I wrote a piece that in a raw, broken but true way drew a sketch of what depression is for me. I was going through it at the very moment I was writing it.. I was hurt. I felt misunderstood, I felt guilty and I felt that the one person that was suppose to see it and address it.. didn't. It was brushed to the side and I was exhausted of how the people closest to me continuously saw it as a attention seeking mechanism and I didn't know what else to do, so I wrote about it.

I opened my laptop and started tapping on the keys not knowing what I was creating but I knew I wanted to put words together that would some how shed light on this mental illness that creeps up on me and so many others. I was expressing or I hope I was painting a picture of what a lot of young teens and young adults struggle with in their minds and souls and how they are screaming or trying to scream for help, reassurance, acceptance, and understanding from the people around them.. more especially from the people God has placed in their lives: Family.

Family, is the most difficult because they know you so well, or they are suppose to know you well.. or maybe its all in their heads? and they assume they know you well? But they don't, at least not all the time.  And sometimes it's during the most painful episodes that they become blind to your pain. The painful episodes that is "all in your head" the painful episodes that you should "just get over" those painful episodes that you need to "grow up from" right?

I didn't even edit the poem. I wrote it. Read it through once and published it.
I could breathe. I wasn't back to normal, it wasn't all gone, but putting the feelings into words and on a screen gave me some type of room in my mind and heart and after that suicide didn't seem like an option at the moment. After I posted the poem about 5 to 10 people, some from twitter and some from face book messaged me saying they feel the pain while reading the poem and it felt so familiar.

And since then I haven't felt alone as much anymore.
Writing transcends to many languages and can reach several parts of our universe
Writing helps express so much and it's definitely been a beautiful distraction.. for me.





Comments

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  2. First. <3 Second. Your poem is so strong! It's hard enough to feel that way and then not have the support from family. I started writing for a similar reason and I couldn't imagine a day going by without writing. Putting it out there (even if no one reads it) personally makes me feel like one day I won't let it control me. You're incredibly brave and definitely not alone <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anna! I am glad you can relate. <3 Writing and posting my experiences online has shown me the many people who struggle through the same thing, and it is definitely reassuring to know that I am not in this by myself. (: thank you for reading and subscribing! If you check your email there will be a link where you can verify your email and then you can get my posts! <3

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