Showing posts from 2018

You Have To Become Tougher.. Not Meaner. Tougher.

About two weeks ago one of the girls that lives at the group home I work at currently, lashed out at me. From then on her and another teen girl have started becoming distant and passive towards me. Now obviously this is to be expected at a group home. When you work in this kind of field your clients are not going to be warm to you all the time, because they come with behavioral and family issues. 

Although, I remember becoming really frustrated. I started thinking to myself "gosh, I am doing my job and I am there to support these girls but at the end of the day they can easily flip things around and give me the middle finger". This idea annoyed me and actually gave me some anxiety. I became kind of stuck between several thoughts and opinions, such as maybe this field isn't for me? Maybe I am to sensitive. The field of Social Services, Mental Health in terms of youth and young adolescents can be so challenging. Alot of the advice I was getting from my senior staff at my …

LIFE UPDATE. School/Work/Family Trip and more...

So where in the world have I been?!

 Last time I wrote a post was in early September. I was scrolling through my blog and whispered to myself "I miss this". To be completely honest with you and myself though, I didn't have the motivation and I lacked writing inspiration.

 It got to a point where I felt like I was wasting my time, I would put out a post and it felt like the time I spent writing it was not matched with the people if any, that would read it. That has never been something I cared about much, but I guess as I write more and more I have realized I don't just want to be writing for myself, I want to be writing for others. That has always been at the back of my mind. 

There has also been a lot going on in which I have not had time to just sit and write, so the fact that I am writing right now is a breathe of fresh air. So, here is a little life update for you all!


If you follow me on Instagram you know that I graduated and walked in my school's ce…

What Are The Experiences That Have Formed YOU?

My name is Nicole Opara, I am a 23 year old with a loud laugh and a huge appetite( did someone say Panda Express?).  I truly believe Fried Ice Cream from The Roll heals a broken heart. I want to travel to all the places Jesus and his disciples walked and when I move out of my parents house I am getting a puppy. That's a fact.

  My name is Nicole and..  

School has always been so difficult for me and discouraging. But I think God has shown and continues to show his grace and patience towards me through it all.

I have had my first and second kiss and I am hoping the day I get my third will be with my husband.

I have always struggled to little to no confidence growing up and being teased and bullied didn't help much either.

My mind can not recollect how old I was or the dates of my suicide attempts. But I know they happened. I do remeber praying to God every time that I wouldn't wake up the next day.. Let's just say I am glad God doesn't answer ALL our prayers.…

(7) Things To Do To Maintain Your Mental Health While On Your Period

It is that lovely time of the month, mother nature has decided to sh*t on you again huh? lol

 I do not know about you, but when it comes to my period not only am I experiencing unbearable cramps, lower back pain and a migraine that makes me want to pull my head off of my body. My emotional and mental health  can be out of whack as well. I believe that the way you choose to take care of yourself during your menstrual cycle is important not only for your physical health but your mental health .

As someone who struggles with depressive thoughts, I have to be mindful of my body and mind during my time of the month. With that being said, these are some of the things I do to maintain my mental health during my period..

Be okay with taking more than one break.

In other words take as many as you need! This is not the time to be overworking yourself because it just leads to frustration and exhaustion. When those two come together it is not fun, so do not be afraid to give yourself "you&q…

The Gift Black Student Organizations on Campus Gives Young Black Women...

" I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you are going to need me to complete your picture" - Lauryn Hill 

Middle school I was told that I was to dark and that stuck with me. I'm to dark and if I am to dark I must be to ugly, to loud, to rebellious. These assumptions/ stereotypes started to get forced in my head and to be honest I was either  to black or not black enough.

Or I skinny
My hair was to nappy
My lips were to big
my arms and legs looked like "burnt sticks".
And It became okay to mimic my so called "animal language"
I remember that joke like it was yesterday.
I was not respected by guys my age because I was the one with the "animal culture and language".

More and more I became inferior, and more and more I hated how I looked. Being black was ugly. Being a black women was ugly. I was ugly. At least that's what I thought...

 I transferred to CSUF and immediately was introduced to a sma…

I Confessed My Feelings To My Crush.. Now What?

Hey Friends!

If you have been keeping up with my blog for awhile you know that a couple months ago I told my crush that I like him.. you can read about my love fest in these post (LOL) ...

I Hate Having A Crush Pt 1
I Hate Having A Crush Pt 2
I Hate Having A Crush Pt 3

With that background, you can better understand where I am coming at with this post.

  I feel like no one really addresses what's next. Okay so you told your crush everything, is your feelings suppose to magically disappear after that? It may seem like its not a big deal, its not like you were in a relationship. Nonetheless, these are emotions and feelings that are as much valid as if you were in a relationship and you both broke up.

I will say this, after telling "J" and receiving a respectful honest response from him I felt a HUGE relief. "J" and I talk once in awhile and are building a good friendship, which I am beyond blessed about.

But I will say this, I still smile when I see his pictures a…

(3) Songs That Has Been My 2018 Anthems

The last time I posted was on the 14th.. It has been a good minute. How are all of you doing? I thought I would share with all of you (3) songs that have been my go to anthems this year and why.

Fall In Line ( Christina & Demi )

Talk about women empowerment
 I think it has been every Christina and Demi Lovato fan's dream that these two collaborate and sing a song together and this year it happened!! This song is so powerful in many ways and I truly believe every young girl growing into a young women should give this song a listen. 

Never Alone ( Tori Kelly ft Kirk Franklin )

Tori Kelly finally released new music!!! Her single Never Alone ft Kirk Franklin came out Friday and I am in love. I feel like it dropped at such a good time, the message behind it is what everyone needs to hear because whether you are a Christian or not.. you and I both know there is a sense of hopelessness in this world due to the recent suicides. People need to know there is hope, and his name is Jesus …

Dear LGBTQ Community, I'm Sorry. Love a Christian.


What Demi Lovato's Overdose Has Taught Me..

I remeber when I heard that Demi had been sober for 6 years, then a few weeks before that, I had watched her documentary and if I had not been a huge fan of hers before I was NOW. I was so inspired to see a celebrity around my age who was killing it with every soul in her being. I said to myself.. " If Demi can overcome her demons, then so can I"

When I heard about her overdose.. my heart sank.
 I remember praying " God, please do not take Demi away from us PLEASE" considering all the deaths we have had from well known celebrities, I could not bare the thought of her not surviving.

 I  started scrolling online and reading the news that was coming out about her overdose and the story behind it; how Demi had been surrounding herself with the wrong crowd and falling behind on her sobriety.

I was shocked, but then oddly it turned into a small frustration "No, not the Demi I know! She was doing so well.." as if she was suppose to have it all together. I almos…

BeBrave Story #11 : Ida Vaisanen - When Depression Stricks

Happy August Everyone!

It is a new month which means a new #BeBrave story! Remeber, if you want to be brave and share YOUR story just email me at

Today the fighter Ida Vaisanen, is sharing her journey through Depression ( TW: Suicide Is Discussed). I admire this girl and her transparency not only when she wrote this story but on Twitter and on her blog.

Thank you so much Ida for saying yes to sharing your journey through your mental illness and allowing us to read about the reality of what you go through everyday. With that being said, here is Ida's story(:

My life has definitely been divided into two, the time before and after I became ill.
Like with any illness, it's difficult to pinpoint a time where it began. When do cells decide to attack one another, what causes your white cells to begin to attack your own body as an enemy? Like any physical illness, I'm sure my illness lurked as a premonition in my cells for far longer than my mind ca…

A Fashion & Confidence Pep Talk: What Society Is Not Telling You

Hey Everyone!

I am really excited about this post because it is a collaboration with Guilianna from I have been following her blog for awhile and have always wanted to reach out to her, so when she asked if I wanted to collaborate I jumped at the opportunity.

Today we are talking about Fashion and Confidence. Now, I know what your all thinking, "Nikki, that's a little far from your usual topics and your niche overall.". Well That is kind of true and kind of not. I will be the first to admit I am not a fashion blogger by any means, but this post is not just about showing you three outfits that I feel confident in, but it is shedding a light on the topic of confidence when it comes to fashion that is somewhat overlooked by society.

I admire fashion and beauty bloggers, they show us the new trends of clothing and accessories and they look AMAZING on them. But sometimes I have caught myself feeling out of place and some what jealous.. I h…

23 Things That Scared Me But I Did Them Anyway...

Hey Everyone (: First of all, thank you for all the support on my blog and for the birthday wishes! Those mean a lot(: I can't believe I am 23, I feel old but at the same time, I'm still fairly young and have a lot of life to live.

I am really excited about this post, I have noticed that a lot of bloggers like to post lessons they have learned when it is their birthday. Which is cool, I have done that several times. That's why I thought I'd switch it up. So, in no particular order...

1. I told my crush of a good year and a half that I like him
2. I asked my crush to have lunch with me
3. I have sang to my crush
4. I have kissed a guy
5. I sang at my clubs Spring Fusion twice ( aka Talent show)
6. Shared an article I wrote about suicide on my personal instagram
7. Asked a good friend of mine to share her mental health story on my blog
8. I quit my CNA job applied for my current job not knowing if I would get hired.. ( I got hired obvi lol )
9. Started sharing some of my…

"How Dare I.." ( Original Poem)

I was fourteen and I wanted so badly to be seen  I wanted the boys of my age to know I existed That I am not as awkward as I may come off to be because I wanted to be taken seriously 
Now I am twenty-two and can hardly stand the tune Ya know, "hey beautiful" *whistle* "have a good day"  I never know what to say  So I give the "fuck off" look  and go my way.. Oh but, How dare I 
How Dare I think to deeply into the "compliments" they give me How Dare I try to make sense of their intentions  And their perverted attention  How dare I make men out to be animals.. Boys will be boys right? So How Dare I speak up  With this urge to fight 
Oh but How Dare I  He was just admiring me,  So How Dare I not appreciate his flirting Saying he loves shy girls  and that I am really pretty 
Or How Dare I slap his hand..  How Dare I not submit to him touching my breast because I asked for it right? My tank top and shorts was a clear invitation So its not his fa…

The Versatile Bloggers Award - Seven Random Facts About Me!

Hey Everyone!

This post is quite different. I am doing the Versatile Bloggers Award tag, which I have not done in a long time, so this should be interesting. I was tagged by Catherine from the blog CatherineJWrites 
thank you so much Catherine for nominating me.

For those of you who may not know what the Versatile Bloggers Award tag is, it was created to feature and recognize blogs that have unique content, high quality of writing, and fantastic photos. Basically I will be listing seven interesting/random facts about myself and then at the end of this post I will tag five bloggers I have come to admire ( so make sure to go check them out!)

7 Interesting/Random Facts About Me
1. "Fall In Line" by Christina and Demi Lavato is my 2018 Anthem 

2. Black Panther is my favorite movie. ( there has been no movie that has topped it yet.. try and argue with me)

3. I am a Leo

4. I played tennis and basketball in high school 

5. Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi is my favorite book

6. I am a a…