I Hate Having A Crush Pt 1

Okay hate is a strong word, maybe more like strongly dislike.

I don't know about you, but having feelings for someone, getting butterflies, being vulnerable emotionally, spiritually, physically etc scares the life out of me. Just the fact that if you want a friendship to progress into something more, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and be ready for the possibility of rejection and the thought of that makes me cringe. Liking someone and trying to figure out how to go about expressing yourself to the person or wanting to just simply tell the person how great they are without coming off weird or creepy is so complicated.

Can you guess why I am ranting about such a thing? Yes, you may have already guessed it. I have a crush on someone.

The frustrating thing is that I don't even know how these feelings even developed. I only met this person towards the beginning of this year because we had a class together and then became friends. We basically hung out in similar places on campus because of our mutual friends. We are not close, but when we see each other we are friendly and have small talk here and there. Last week he left for Italy to study abroad and he will be there until December and I can not even explain to you how sad I was, okay I wasn't completely broken but you know where I am getting at, off the bat I missed him. That doesn't make sense to me though, I barely know him, so how can I miss and like someone so much like this that I watch all his snap chats, I like every picture he post on Instagram of his trip, and the small clips he posts of him singing I may have listened to it more then ten times.. ( talk about a hopeless romantic on my part).

I have never wanted to express to someone how amazing I think they are in my life. Forget about telling him that I like him because that is just horrifying, but to just tell him that I think he is killing it in everything he is doing, and that I admire his authenticity, and his adventurous spirit and musical talent. I want to be able to just sit down with him for hours and ask about his journey in his Christian faith and his story.  Have you ever met someone and off the bat you can tell they have a moving story of how they got to where they are today? There is something about this guy, I just really want to know his story.

Anyways, that is my rant. I never write ranty ( Is that a word?) post on here so hope you enjoyed this one.. or not. It has been awhile since I have sat down to just write, I forgot how therapeutic writing is. I miss this and all of you! I will talk to all of you in my next post which hopefully is very soon :)

Lots of Love!

Nikki O.


  1. I can totally relate to how you are feeling..thats how I would feel when I had crushes back in the day but what I have come to learn overtime is that..its just feelings..as you mentioned..you don't even know the guy to have these emotions..but it's normal..and it's ok. There's nothing wrong to be a Christian woman who may be interested in a Christian man..its just a matter of allowing God to direct you with those feelings you have so that you remain in His will. 😊 thank you for being so transparent! 💕

    1. you are so right Naomie! Thank you for your thoughts, I feel better knowing I'm not going crazy lol x

  2. Oh Nikki!

    Your thoughts about your crush made me smile and reminisce on all of the exciting (and sometimes scary) feelings that are associated with it. The initial phase of wanting to get to know someone is the best, in my opinion. Picking each other's brains...silently picking up on their quarks and habits is so exciting to me. Hopefully time passes by quickly for you and your crush comes back so that you can get to know him better!

    xx Michelle | mirothebrave.com

    1. Aww thank you Michelle! and I agree, I love getting to know someone and then secretly picking up on their silly habits lol. Thanks for reading Michelle! :)

  3. Lol, saw the excerpt on your Instagram and just had to click through to read. Crushes are scary especially when you have a sense of independence, and what's even scarier is realizing you have deeper feelings, oh my God, make them stop please. But sometimes, love is a risk so much with anything else in this life. The last crush I had happens to be who I'm with now and even though I blocked him from my life, we still somehow found our way to each other

  4. Awhhh, I actually love this post and it has made me want to share all my feelings. I completely can relate though. Before my previous relationship, I was a hopeless romantic and loved to love and all the fairytale things that come with it. Now, I am almost the complete opposite. I don't like the idea of being vulnerable, even with newer friendships I am the same. Such a freaking gamble, its no fun. However, everything happens for a reason and regardless of whether we want it too - haha.

    Ashlee | ashleemoyo.com


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