Skip to main content

BeBrave Story #4: Olivia Morgan






Dating with anxiety is like living with a tone of bricks permanently strapped on your back.


Constantly having to put this huge guard up when in your head you truly like that person but no matter what they do and say to convince you they're genuine you still have that horrible gut feeling like you're just waiting for it all go wrong so you can finally get to say 'I told you so.'
However, after literally losing the one person I thought I'd never lose.. I decided it's time to truly love myself before I even try to love anybody else and I do, I have way way more confidence than I did.





I used to be my own worst enemy but I realized no one can help me other than myself, no one can better me other than me so for as long as I can remember I made it my little mission to better myself for the next guy that'll come into my life and ACTUALLY stay.
I guess I've always had that fear of people that I love leave me because you can't ever make a person stay, they'll stay if you want and they'll leave if they want.

Writing a blog about mental health is a really vulnerable thing to do, it's literally putting yourself out there and hoping either people will relate or not be massive arseholes, and meeting new people whilst I've got this blog is scary as fuck. They'll read it and suddenly judge whether my crazy ass deserves to stay in their life or not. I never talk about my feelings with people I know face to face, I always put this brave face one but I'll always fight for what I want until shit doesn't seem worth it anymore.
Sometimes the fighter just wants to be fought for.

You know, falling in love absolutely scares me. When it's even close to happening I guess I just freak out internally like I don't mean too but I used to have this idea of what 'love' was and how it felt but it weren't love, it was more lust I guess. I 'loved' a guy more than he deserved, at that point I didn't know my worth, he was my bestfriend I'm not even going to try and deny that but there's so many moments in that relationship where I look back now and think 'why didn't I leave?', let me just reiterate he wasn't a bad person but that relationship was full of a massive lack of trust, alot of insecurities and we argued alot.






Bad days come and go and not all bad days can I even face to get out of bed and pretend to be happy because I can't keep pretending shit is perfect when it so clearly isn't but let me tell you all about the good days, they're full of so much love and happiness and when I'm having a super good day I'll practically be the most affectionate I'll ever be.

You should know though that I can't just turn my anxiety and depression off and sometimes I get massively triggered over the littlest of things, so just bare with me I guess.
Dating with anxiety is hard, an absolute struggle because not alot of people understand anxiety which adds to the already there stigma surrounding mental health.

Don't give up on finding the one because sometimes it's the person you never expect.

Never settle for any less than you deserve because you ALL deserve the absolute world.





Thank you Olivia for sharing your story!
This story was orginally published on Olivia's blog ivnizzzle.blogspot.com

I hope each and everyone of you were able to relate to this post. Dating and mental illness are both challenging by themselves, now to have to work them out at the same time takes a strong mentality and courage. To ANY one who is going through a similar journey I hope this was a breathe of fresh air, knowing you are not going through this walk alone.

We all have our own story to tell. If you would like to share yours, email your story to nickki.opara1@gmail.com



Nikki

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

"Don't Let Fear Stop You From Living"

"Don't Let Fear Stop You From Living"
"Don't Let Fear Stop You From Living" 
"Don't Let Fear Stop You From Living" 

Someone retweeted this quote on twitter and I immediately opened my computer to start writing. I typed it out like three times because it really stood out to me. I have been thinking a lot about the concept of fear lately, especially with all the chaos going on in our world today. After the unfortunate event at Manchester I knew that I wanted to write a post revolving around fear because lets be honest I and I am pretty sure everyone reading this is or has been carrying a inner feeling of fear in their spirit.



What thing/s are you scared of at the moment? Maybe school, losing friends, the future, death, violence, making sacrifices, new job, losing a job, the list can go on. I think so many times we are focused on putting on this face as if we are invincible and have tough skin that we totally forget that hey, you are human and it i…

To The Student Who Is Taking Longer Than Four Years To Graduate...

I have not written a college related post in a long time so I figured why not, especially since this particular one has been on my mind lately. As it seems a lot of people have graduated this month I want to start by saying CONGRATS! to you all. It has been so exciting to hear about all of your post college grad life and your plans for the future.

With that being said, I want to speak in particularly to the student who has not graduated yet, maybe you have one more year and you will not be graduating in that expected four year mark.. or maybe you are still in community college and feel stuck among the waiting lists and endless GE requirements. I'm writing to that student who is scrolling through Instagram looking at all those grad photos of your classmates from high school and your thinking "that could of been me" "that should of been me" "Maybe if I had.." " Maybe I should of.." I want you to pause with those thoughts and the scrolling and …

Four of My Favorite Bible Verses ( Guest Post By Airriaunte)

Hey Friends, I have a special post for you today! In this blogging community I have been lucky enough to connect with fellow bloggers who share the same Christian faith. With that being said I was more than happy to collab with Airriaunte from the blog CoffeeWithTae and have her share four bible verses that has convicted her. I hope this blesses you!

Please read more about Tae after the post below! If you want to read about My favorite bible verses click HERE






Hi! My name is Airriaunte most (all) of my friends call me Tae! As Im sure you already know Nikki and I are doing a collab of some bible verses that mean a lot to us! So here are the four from me!





Galatians 4: 1-71 I’m saying that as long as the heirs are minors, they are no different from slaves, though they really are the owners of everything. 2 However, they are placed under trustees and guardians until the date set by the parents. 3 In the same way, when we were minors, we were also enslaved by this world’s system. 4 But whe…