Showing posts from 2017

An Original (Poem) " No Mom You Don't Know About The Demons In My Head"

Hey Friends, I do not know how I feel about sharing this poem, but I use to write poems all the time when I was younger and I guess two days ago all these words flowed out of me. Also, TW because I am very vulnerable in this poem. I'm hoping this poem expresses what a lot of young teens and adults going through mental illness may be feeling when it comes to being understood. At least these are my feelings..

No mom you don't know about the demons in my head
you are clueless about the voices that whisper to me that I would be better off dead
you think you have it all figured out
Why I would rather lay in bed all day than help out around the house
laziness, selfishness is what you call it.
No mom you don't know about the demons in my head
you are clueless about the voices that whisper to me that I would be better off dead
closing my eyes is an escape, its how I can get away from them
But when a new day starts the voices come back whispering "here we go again"
No mo…

Rape Culture In Our Government

Donald Trump (R), the 45th President of the United States, was accused of sexual assault by 13 women during the 2016 election and he denied the allegations.[156] The allegations arose after The Washington Post released a 2005 video of Trump, recorded on a hot microphone by Access Hollywood, in which he brags about groping women.[157] In the video, Trump said, "I’ll admit it. I did try and fuck her. She was married. ... You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. I just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."[158] The tape was released two days before a televised debate against Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton, at which he dismissed the video as "locker room talk
    - Wikipedia ( List of Federal Political Sex Scandals In the United States)

Ever since this whole scandal occurred during the 2016 elections, the #Metoo camp…


Hi Friends!

It's been awhile, well it's only been two days since my last post (lol) but other than that it has been a while since I have really updated you all on myself and my life. If you had any finals I hope it all went well (:  As you already know it is my senior year, I just finished my first semester of my senior year; classes, my internship and work were all priorities for me.


 I just completed finals and I can officially say that I am free for the rest of the year to continue blogging and writing leisurely again. Thank God, because I have really missed it and I can actually feel the difference in myself when I am not blogging or actively being involved in the blogging community. Just two days ago I wrote a post that was rather a "split second/ in the moment" type of post called Dear Keaton Jones... And Every Other Kid Who Is Bullied  and some of you started sharing some of your experiences with me on twitter which reminded m…

Dear Keaton Jones... And Every Other Young Kid Being Bullied

You asked in your video,  "Just out of curiosity, why do they bully?" "What's the point of it? Why do you find joy in taking innocent people and finding a way to be mean to them? It's not OK."

And you are right, it is not okay.

I do not know all the answers to life's most difficult questions, ill tell you this, these questions you ask are definitely difficult. It makes me wish that I had a superpower of controlling people's mind and behavior. If I had that type of power I would make sure everyone in the world were just nice to each other with no expectations or conditions. Unfortunately, that is not how life works, and unfortunately I do not have that superpower. I am sorry. I am sorry that this is the reality that we live in.

Popularity. Superiority. These things are so important to people your age and even as we get older there is this universal fear of not being liked or the fear of not being the center of attention. When someone notices somethi…

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover / The Most Confident Girls Struggle Too..

Tuesday October 10th was World Mental Health Day.

For those of you who may not know what that is, it is a day used to bring awareness to the different debilitating mental illnesses. I appreciate the different days like suicide awareness day, that are used to bring awareness and attention to Mental illness. Not only do I love the awareness part of it but it is comforting to see how many people open up on social media about their own struggles in order to encourage many and remind others that there is hope and people that care.

I was scrolling through my Instagram on Tuesday night and I was amazed of my peers who spoke up and even some who I never even considered to care about this sort of thing were on Instagram being an encouragement. While I was scrolling through my Instagram there was this one girl who I went to high school with that posted about how she has been struggling with anxiety and depression lately to the point where she didn't even want to get out of bed. But then sh…

" Fear Not.." Have Peace In The Midst Of Chaos

I woke up on Monday morning after a rough Sunday night reciting to myself, "its a new day" "yesterday was the past" "focus on the present". As I was hyping myself up in the bathroom in front of the mirror I picked up my phone and started scrolling through Instagram. Suddenly I started seeing post after post "pray for Vegas" "RIP to the 58 people killed in Vegas" "What's wrong with our country, such a tragedy" I was confused for a second and totally oblivious, so I searched up Las Vegas to see what all the condolesences was about. That is when I saw the news.. "Shooting at Las Vegas Concert Last Night; 58 killed & hundreds injured" The first thing I said to myself was Dear God, didn't we just have a natural disaster hit Puerto Rico? How much more tragedy can this world take?"

I started to feel a sense of fear crawl on me, it wasn't like that small anxiety you get when you are about to start a n…

I Hate Having A Crush Pt 1

Okay hate is a strong word, maybe more like strongly dislike.

I don't know about you, but having feelings for someone, getting butterflies, being vulnerable emotionally, spiritually, physically etc scares the life out of me. Just the fact that if you want a friendship to progress into something more, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and be ready for the possibility of rejection and the thought of that makes me cringe. Liking someone and trying to figure out how to go about expressing yourself to the person or wanting to just simply tell the person how great they are without coming off weird or creepy is so complicated.

Can you guess why I am ranting about such a thing? Yes, you may have already guessed it. I have a crush on someone.

The frustrating thing is that I don't even know how these feelings even developed. I only met this person towards the beginning of this year because we had a class together and then became friends. We basically hung out in similar…

BeBrave Story #4: Olivia Morgan

Dating with anxiety is like living with a tone of bricks permanently strapped on your back.

Constantly having to put this huge guard up when in your head you truly like that person but no matter what they do and say to convince you they're genuine you still have that horrible gut feeling like you're just waiting for it all go wrong so you can finally get to say 'I told you so.' However, after literally losing the one person I thought I'd never lose.. I decided it's time to truly love myself before I even try to love anybody else and I do, I have way way more confidence than I did.

I used to be my own worst enemy but I realized no one can help me other than myself, no one can better me other than me so for as long as I can remember I made it my little mission to better myself for the next guy that'll come into my life and ACTUALLY stay. I guess I've always had that fear of people that I love leave me because you can't ever make a person stay, they&…

#BeBrave Story #3: Taylor Harvey

On January first of this year I tried to end my life.
I was dealing with a pretty severe depressive episode.  Everything that I tried didn’t seem to be working.  Moving home, starting antidepressants, starting counseling, reaching out to friends and family.  I just continued sinking deeper and deeper. Obviously, as I am here writing to you, my suicide attempt failed.  Things are better now, but my depression is far from gone. 
My world still revolves around my mental illness as I do everything I can to manage it; I am terrified of it.  My mental health blog is constantly on my mind as I try to battle the stigma associated with all mental illnesses.  I am working so hard to make a change in this world that I am sometimes immersed in it all.

Recently a public figure committed suicide.  Mental health is being put in the spotlight for now, and it is amazing to me how many people out there do not understand.  They see mental illness and suicide as a choice, not as a sickness.  They say …

Dear Black People.. Let Us Reach Beyond Oursleves

I have been wanting to write this post to all of you for so long but did not know how to go about it. I did not know how to really start, so I guess i'll start with introducing you to two stories. One of them I am sure you have read on my blog before.

 A couple days ago I watched a Ted Talk in which a young muslim lady named  Susanne Barakate talks about how her brother and her sister in law were tragically murdered by their neighbor whom had been harassing them in the past. She gives a descriptive story of the incident and how there has been no justice for her family. The link to the Ted Talk is below if you want to hear the story.

Islamophobia Killed My Brother

Also, There is a post I wrote a couple months ago called Family Violence: We Have Lost Love In Our Homes and I share the sad news of a young boy who was murdered by his own mother because she hated the fact that he was gay.

Why am I sharing these heavy stories? It is because there is a lot of work that needs to be done.


#BeBrave Story #2: Charlotta Eve

I have mentioned my depression on my blog several times before. I kinda just threw it in there, between words, not really telling you much about it. My depression wasn’t the easy kind – it wasn’t about me feeling a bit down. It was me being completely helpless, the depression taking over my whole life. And I almost let it.
I’m not afraid of talking about mental health, depression or anxiety. I’m not even scared of telling you, that I was once so depressed, I ended up in a mental hospital behind closed doors. I can – even though I rather not go too much into detail – tell you, that I have been suicidal. Those are not the things I’m worried about, when I hit publish. And I’m gonna hit publish, because I feel like I have something to say after all and I feel like it has some meaning. To me, anyway. What I’m worried for, is that I choose the wrong words, when the right words mean everything. That this post turns to negative, instead of positive – because even though there’s so much pain an…

Valuable Lessons Learned As a CNA // Seeing Jesus In Every Client

When you think of a first job for a young adult, usually you hear of your peers working at malls, front desk in school offices, or restaurants. My first job ever has been nothing close to that. I started earlier this year around February, as a CNA ( Certified Nurse Assistant) in a Intermediate Behavioral Facility. I care for mentally disabled clients, which includes feeding them, transferring patients who may weigh up to 120 lbs to their bed or wheelchair. I also give them showers, change their clothes, and assist them in a majority of their daily living activities because they are unable to achieve those task themselves.

My last day there will be July 22nd because I recently got another job at another facility, but I was just thinking as to the valuable lessons I have learned through working as a CNA thus far. The appreciation of my own life and capabilities as well as my increased compassion and empathy for people as a whole. There are certain jobs that are challenging, but when yo…

#BeBrave Story #1: Ashley Bennett

Looking back at the last couple years, there have been 
many struggles and hardships. Many family members and  friends warned us that the first year of marriage would be  the toughest. We supposed they were referring to the  transition one must make when leaving behind the single life in  order to live a better one with an eternal companion. I don’t  think we supposed wrong, but Heavenly Father had a little  more in mind for us. 

Only a few months after our wedding day, I began to  experience frighteningly unpleasant mood swings. My initial  reactions to almost everything became angry and bitter. These drastic changes in my personality made me feel lonely with no hope of ever returning to my “normal” or true self.  Prayerfully, Jayson and I decided I needed professional help.  I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety for the first  time in my life. 

In the October 2015 General Conference, President  Devin G. Durrant shared, “Christ invites us to do many hard  things because He knows we will be ble…

The #BeBrave Series Is Here! / Why Is It Important To Share Your Mental Health Story With The World?

Hey Friends! Hope you are all doing well and had a fabulous 4th of July. If you have been following me on instagram, which if you are not you can right HERE. I have been obsessing over my first series on this blog that I am ready to launch today!

Basically through this series I want to encourage anyone who is struggling or has struggled with any form of mental illness, to share their story. Now you may be wondering "okay Nikki, what is the significance of this?" "Why are you asking us to be vulnerable? That is the worse thing you could possibly ask of a young adult!.."

 I know, being vulnerable and sharing a part of yourself that is not put together and maybe even messy can be scary at times. Having that in mind I wanted to make sure your doubts were ceased and you could participate in this series feeling empowered and encouraged. So I reached out to the community, to people just like you and asked the same question:

Why is it important for people to share their me…