He Does Not Define You!

It is crazy how much we will tolerate for the mere reason that "he" may be the one. I am saying this because just a few months ago I allowed a guy that I was falling for to hurt my confidence, a confidence in me that I had worked almost 20 something years to grow within myself.

We are going to call this guy "Leo".

Leo definitely felt like the one. I mean he was basically my best guy friend, maybe just a little more time and it could of blossomed into something. ( Thank God it did not). We were comfortable around each other, we talked every single day. We trusted each other and we were suckers for each other's jokes. I was hooked, it was basically everything I wanted with a guy: Comfort. Trust. Communication. and Humor.

Here is where things got a little messy..

 He loved complimenting me one day but then the next day when life was just not going his way he would say hurtful things to me:

" You are Pretty but not that Pretty" (I actually considered that one of the nicer comments)... He would compare me to other girls, and his Tumblr was filled with naked chicks. It destroyed how I viewed myself and I started to find myself doing whatever I could to make sure I kept his attention and fit his standards.

That is where the true problem is!

The minute you find yourself doing whatever you can to please another person, keep their attention, or fit their standards, you start hurting yourself emotionally, mentally and spiritually. My favorite singer Christina Grimmie ( RIP sweet angel) once said, " Confidence has nothing to do with ' when they like me' but ' I will be fine if they don't'.

That quote is so true and I wish I had understood this 6 months ago, trust me it would of saved me a lot of tears. If no one has ever told you this, let me be the first to tell you that your confidence, value and self worth is not determined by whether the guy you like thinks your skinny enough or not. Please, if "He" does not like "You" for YOU, do not waste your time. Do not waste your time with someone who fails to bring you up in every aspect of your life.

Below is a blog post that I read a couple of months ago that I still refer to because it hits this topic right at the nail.  It was written by a friend of mine named Jessica. If you ever had insecurities or felt self conscious and even been on the verge of self harm you will 100% relate and it will touch you the way it touched me. :)

                You Are So Worthy of Love  by Jessica Monique

Nikki O.



  1. This is a great post, and so true! I feel so lucky to have a guy who accepts who I am, and it certainly took a long time to find one. It was when I stopped trying to please other people & said 'F-it, I'm hot as hell & I don't care what other people think' that I met someone who saw me in that way. You're incredible as you are and you deserve to be surrounded by people who know that!

    1. omg yesss! I love this comment and how you started viewing yourself! Never loose that mentality girl ;)

      Thank you so much! I am so glad you agree and you are right I deserve to be around people who will treat me in an honorable way. :)

      Nikki O. | www.herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

  2. Very personal post so, first, I'd like to say I'm proud of you for being bold. Second, yeah, we forget to not let someone else define because we get so wrapped up in feelings and desires. :)

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com/

    1. Excatly! I totally agree :). Aww thank you Samantha!x

      Nikki O | www.herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

  3. Too many girls put themselves down nowadays and stay in toxic relationships because they're scared to be alone and it makes me so sad. It's important to do what you love and love yourself and not let people tear you down!

    1. Excatly! And that is how I was for a time, all my friends were in relationships so I felt obligated to jump into one even if the guy disrespected me. It is sad.

      You are so right lily, the first step is to love yourself first, and know that you deserve the best! Thanks for the lovely comment x

      Nikki O. | www.herdaringthoughts.blogspot.com

  4. Well done young lady. You are worth so much more to HIM to settle.


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