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It Felt Good.. At Least For The Moment

It Felt Good... At Least For The Moment
       ... But now I crave JOY that surpasses all understanding




Being there with him knowing I was the one he was giving attention too.  I did not want him touching me and I told him that I didn't want him touching me, but there was a temptation to allow him to get as close as he can to any place that I felt vulnerable and then I would quickly slap his hand away.

Kissing. I mean it was nothing great to be honest. But it felt good because well a older guy wanted to kiss me. It felt good because well if this older guy finds me attractive then I must be worth something.

When I would post a selfie on Instagram, he would be one of the first to like it. This really got me, when I would post a selfie on snap chat and he would message me saying that I look beautiful. Then I would message back thanking him as if I did not know already that I was beautiful and he was doing me a favor by telling me that.

Sounds silly right?

Never in a million years did…

Growing Together: The Importance of Friendship & Mental Health

Hey everyone! this post is very special because it is my first guest post by one of my favorite bloggers Rowana Abbensetts of the blog Spoken Black Girl! Read more about her at the end!







One of the trickiest things about mental illness is its invisibility. You can’t see mental illness at a glance. Heck, you can go for years sitting next to the same person every day, sharing lunch dates and  cracking jokes while still not know that they are struggling with mental illness. The stigma around mental illness is so strong that even someone close to you could be suffering, but unwilling to come forward and share their pain with you. September is Suicide Awareness Month, and so now more than ever, I think we should all make sure that we are showing all of our families and friends real compassion. Being receptive, really listening to others and sharing our own stories of struggle and pain can make such a huge difference in our loved one’s lives.

A few months into starting my mental health blog …

Survival Guide Through Community College!

I feel like every time someone hears of community college it brings up a bad taste.

Maybe not to everyone, but I remember in high school most of my teachers would encourage all of us to go straight to a four year university because community college can be a long and difficult route to get through.

Well, that used to be my mentality as well. Community college was not an option for me in my head, I wanted to go straight into a four year. BOY were my dreams flipped.

Any route you take to get through school will be tough, but as I am someone who has gone through community college and finished in two years and one semester, I know what it takes to make sure you get through community college at a fair time and not waste your time there for five years. So here are a few tips I conjured up to get you through junior college in two years and nothing more.






1). Make Up Your Mind!

Make the conscious decision before you even start school that you will be out of there in two years, latest two y…

Our Parents Are Human Just Like Us

Okay before I start, please do not take this post as a rebellion note to disrespect your parents. Absolutely Not. Our Parents deserve our respect and always know what is best for us.. well 99.9% of the time. ;)



Our Parents Are Not Prefect.
They fail and make mistakes just like we do.

I know what you are thinking.. "Thanks Ms. Obvious". But here me out..

We are told to respect our parents at all times, but while respecting them we seem to forget that they are human just like us. I know for me personally, I have had my parents on a pedestal for the longest time thinking that they are the prime example of perfection.

What I am saying is "Dad" does not mean Superman and "Mom" is far from Saint Mary.

Sometimes they will hurt our feelings whether they are aware of it or not. They will compare you to your cousins, siblings or friends not knowing that it brings you down more than raise you up. They will label you once in a while and a few hurtful words will c…

Criticism Hurts But The Growth Is Rewarding

I have a love & hate relationship with criticism.

There are certain circumstances where I can handle it. Although when it comes to my character, growth, goals, & education I do not like being corrected so much that my "efforts" go little to un noticed.

* I had a rough night last night, excuse the angry tweet lol.*

I really get tense when it is my family, the people closest to me criticizing me the most. I mean obviously they will since they know me longer and are aware of my full potential. Nevertheless, I believe that is what makes it more hurtful, the mere fact that they are blood related, and they have so much faith in me drives them to prefect my every move and decision. Maybe I am being sensitive, you tell me. For me I can not stand when the criticism overrides the praise...


On the other hand I welcome it more than ever, because criticism is essential for a person's growth and well being. I do not believe I would be half the person I am today if it weren…

Reflecting On The Feeling Of Loneliness --- A Blog Response to Tainted Blues's "Loneliness" Post

 "The Worse Loneliness Is Not To Be Comfortable With Yourself" - Mark Twain 

This is my second Blog Response and I think I am going to continue doing these. I really love reading blogs that touch me and that I know will inspire other people and writing about them.

With that said, I wanted to write about the topic of Loneliness.

I was moved to write about this topic by the blog Tainted Blues from Isabelle Collins. Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good personal story that allows me to connect with the writer, that is why I loved her post because she describes Loneliness on a personal level.

While reading her post I was reflecting on my own life and the various times that I have felt lonely.

From middle school to high school to even now in college I still get this overwhelming feeling of loneliness that I can not seem to shake off. I can recall times where I would just be laying on my bed getting ready to sleep and tears would just start running down my face simply beca…

You Are a Winner -- A Blog Response to Thrifty Vintage Fashion's Post " Explaining How Mental Health Feels Like To Non Suffers "

These past couple of days I was doing a lot of evaluating on my blog's theme and the type of audience I am reaching out to.  I realized my passion is giving out life advice based on my own personal experiences as well as being a advocate and speaker for mental health fighters.

Lately I have been inspired by Nicole Marie's blog  Thrifty Vintage Fashion . I am driven towards  her mental health experiences and the hope she shares with her readers. She has also inspired me to write my own story on my journey through Depression.  She recently posted a blog post called Explaining What Mental Health Feels Like To Non Suffers.

She writes directly to  Non suffers who may have a loved one or friend that is struggling with mental health. Her blog post goes to a vulnerable place in describing how a person is feeling through their fight each day. Each person is different and going through their own journey but she does a great job in providing the words of real people and the description …

Four Bible Verses That Gave Me Hope Through Depression

Happy Monday! A couple of days ago I wrote a really personal post about my mental health testimony.   I referred to myself as a Depression Survivor because of the freedom I have received from letting go of self harming. You can read all about my story here if you haven't already :). For those of you who have read it, I hope you took something special from it. In my testimony I wrote a lot about my faith and how it had a huge impact in my life and my mental healing. With that said, I decided to list four bible verses that I held onto dearly during my journey and I still hold onto and re-read everyday.
So in no particular order, here they are:
1). Isaiah 43:1-3
      But now this is what the Lord says, he who created you oh [Add your name to make it personal for you]. He who formed you oh [Your Name]: Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers they will not swee…

My Testimony- A Depression Survivor

Wow I  am really doing this. * takes deep breathes*

I do not know why I am about to tell people on the internet my story.. I have been hesitating for awhile honestly. I just can not shake off the constant urge to tell people what I have been through in the past.

Maybe, just maybe, I am praying my story will help that one person who wrote a suicide note last night. I am praying my story will help that one person who had a daily routine of putting a razor to her wrist. I am praying my story will help that person who cries herself/himself to sleep every night.

I am praying my story gives someone hope.

I do not know where to begin, so I guess I will start by saying that depression is real. Everything that is being felt during this time is real. It definitely rips you from life itself.

My depression really distanced me from God for a long time. Although I grew up in a Christian home with parents that always instilled in me the faith I hold firmly to today, I still always felt like God …

Don't Rush The Exploring Process!

Hey Friends!


I am just going to write and see where this takes me.. :)

In about one month I start school again. I am a community college transfer student officially starting my first semester at a four year. I am really excited because I will be living on campus. Ever since I started college I have been commuting so the dorm life should be interesting.

I am excited for this new school year because I feel like I will finally be able to explore my passions and new talents.

Maybe it is just me, but there is something about still living under my parents roof that makes me feel unable to really chase after my dreams.  I know that there has always been something itching inside of me to expand my horizons. For example, my major is Psychology but for the LONGEST time I have wanted to add a minor ( African American Studies).. Unfortunately, my parents have been against this idea because they feel that I will be in school a lot longer. Although I understand their concern, why should that ma…

Jealousy Is Not Cool!

Hey Friends!

As you can already tell, I am an open book. So because of that I am going to start this post off with a story from my life of course, as I always do.

For the sake of this post I am going to use the fake name "Katie". Here we go.

Katie and I are really good friends, we have been friends for 3 years now I believe. Just a couple of months ago she got into a relationship. Which I am so happy about because if you knew the two year connection Katie and her boyfriend had before they got together, you would agree with me when I say they totally deserve each other ( that sounded sarcastic, but I am serious lol).

Anyways, through out their dating and what not I had to fight a jealous vibe within me that I didn't realize I had.

There was a post I published last week called He Does Not Define You  I told a story of my best guy friend. It was probably around the time I finally cut that guy out of my life that Katie's relationship with her boyfriend began to get s…

From One Broke College Student To Another :)

Hey Friends :). Well school is around the corner in just one month. Anyone else receiving small amounts of grants which are not even enough to pay for half of your tuition???... Yeah me too. ( Bring On the Loans Again).

Anyone going to college can agree with me when I say that school is already tough enough, now to add in the fact that you are in financial debt..it just makes things very discouraging. It definitely makes things difficult because then we start to wonder is it all worth it?

Here is what I think.

YES.

College is expensive and can be intense at times. I am sure we were all aware of this before we even applied. But there is a few things to think about to encourage you to keep running the educational race.

1). Why did you enter college in the first place? (other than "my parents made me")
2). Know that you are NOT the only one struggling
3). Do you truly enjoy what you are studying? ( major/minor)
4). What are you REALLY passionate about doing in the future?

Friendships (Quality vs. Quantity)

I was scrolling through my "Friends List" on Facebook and noticed that most of the people I have on my friends list had little to no conversation with me in high school. I basically have over 400- something friends on Facebook and there is maybe only  5-10 people on there that I actually have a genuine friendship with.
What is my point?
Junior High and High school I remember I wanted everyone to like me and be my friend.  I dreamed of being those popular girls who always had everyone around them and were known for who knows what. Now come to think of it, as I have matured a great deal I know that I rather not have that. I don't want tons of "friends" in my life, I want quality friendships.
I am in my third year of college and I have finally learned and came to understand that Friendships are more about quality over quantity. At this time in my life I am striving to make meaningful connections with people because that is essential. As soon as that became my g…

He Does Not Define You!

It is crazy how much we will tolerate for the mere reason that "he" may be the one. I am saying this because just a few months ago I allowed a guy that I was falling for to hurt my confidence, a confidence in me that I had worked almost 20 something years to grow within myself.

We are going to call this guy "Leo".

Leo definitely felt like the one. I mean he was basically my best guy friend, maybe just a little more time and it could of blossomed into something. ( Thank God it did not). We were comfortable around each other, we talked every single day. We trusted each other and we were suckers for each other's jokes. I was hooked, it was basically everything I wanted with a guy: Comfort. Trust. Communication. and Humor.

Here is where things got a little messy..

 He loved complimenting me one day but then the next day when life was just not going his way he would say hurtful things to me:

" You are Pretty but not that Pretty" (I actually considered …

Comparison Is The Thief of Joy!

Seventeen magazines were always my guilty pleasure in middle school. I remember I would lay down on my bed and just get caught up in the thoughts of " if only my hair looked like hers" " I wish my skin was lighter" or " If my butt was a little bigger and I had all the right curves.."

So many "ifs" and comparisons that I began to ignore what I do have. For example, I have always been a tall girl. For that reason at a young age, people would compliment my legs because they were long and looked like runners legs. Maybe you are someone who can rock a good afro everywhere you go, do you realize how sophisticated that is? How about the fact that many people who meet you always compliment your eyes because your eyelashes are just naturally on fleek ( Yes, I went there).

It drives me nuts how we spend so much time pointing out things about our body that we don't like, what about taking a moment to find something that you DO like about your body. C…

Seclusion Is A Fighter's Worse Enemy!

Hey Fighters!

At the very moment that I am writing this it is 3:00am. I was laying on my bed trying to sleep--- okay more like binge watching You tube. That’s when the idea of SECLUSION creeped into my head.

As fighters of mental health, we lock ourselves inside our house or bedroom and avoid/say no to every invitation we get from friends or family. We are so overwhelmed and drained by the painful thoughts that run through our head as it overtakes our body.

I am mentioning this because that used to be me and I am sure it is happening to a lot of you.

The worst thing you can do during this journey is seclude yourself. You are giving your mind and body permission to sink into this deep pit of depression, discouragement, unworthiness, and fear. DON’T GIVE YOUR MIND AND BODY THAT CHANCE. Instead feed yourself the company of friends that lift up your spirits. I am not saying to go to a party with your whole senior class… but let’s take baby steps.

Who is that one person that pops in you…

The #1 Step to Remeber When Dealing With Depression & Self Harm

I remember a special friend of mine called me up at about 11:00pm sobbing to me about how overwhelmed she was. She was going through it all, depression, anxiety, self harm urges, and muscle pain. As she was expressing herself to me, my heart broke and all I wanted to do was give her a hug. I knew exactly what she was going through because I have been through it all myself. At a very young age I had terrible self-esteem issues, basically it was 5th grade all the way till my freshmen year of college. I had to go through the nightmares of self- harming, suicidal thoughts, and Depression.
My freshmen year of college.. Christian Club Retreat!
It wasn’t until my freshmen year of college, at a Christian club retreat where I finally was able to talk to someone who understood me. She was a person that had also been through the exact pain I had been going through. So there we were, in our bedroom on the floor, as I was sobbing in her shoulders explaining how I just could not get over my urge to …